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I religiously read James Taranto's Best of the Web, as seen daily on OpinionJournal.com.
A couple of weeks ago he made a call to readers out there to send the Journal pro-war poems in response to "A Day of Poetry Against the War." Laura Bush was compelled to cancel a White House event intended to honor the nation's poets because invitees wanted to turn the reception into an opportunity to soapbox. I'm being overly cordial here. The OpinionJournal yesterday declared these poets not only "anti-war," but also "anti-American, anti-Semitic and pro-Saddam."
I agree whole-heartedly, and when the call came, I consequently put together a poem in a quick two hours and fired it off to Best of the Web. Now I realize the competition can be tough out there, and that I certainly shouldn't expect everything I write to be published, but I felt this was a darned good piece of work!
I could cry discrimination and threaten a lawsuit, but that wouldn't be very American of me, now would it. Luckily I've already got my mouthpiece of a web site, and BOTW doesn't need to go wasting bytes on li'l ol' me, so I'll waste bytes of my own:
WHAT IF ANDY ROONEY DECIDED TO TRIM HIS EYEBROWS, INSTEAD OF JUST FURROWING THEM?
Stuck between Iraq and a hard place,
the Saddam bastard should’ve left in disgrace.
But for US, hindsight is better than no sight at all:
In November ’92 we called it “The Great Fall.”
And after eight years of all rhyme, but no reason,
the Bush League began its new season.
Not long after, in New York, icons fell; heck, people died.
No longer left v. right, black v. white, a Nation is unified.
O, Osama. What would Daddy think of your destruction?
W, find this villain who hasn’t a scintilla of compunction!
Our Hollow Air Force rapidly deployed
and the guy with the eyepatch remains doubly annoyed.
But it didn’t take long for the dissenters to balk,
“We don’t like all this cowboy WAR talk.
Don’t you care what people think of ya?”
Hey, Lefties! Something is still messy in Mesopotamia!
This nouveau fuhrer has a chemical dependency
He survives off the blood of his constituency
He purges his cabinet with nux assassinato
He’s given al-Q’aeda a new place to grow.
He’s got deadly agents that infuse and infiltrate.
He’s asked for his staffers to put their heads on a plate.
He’s gassed his own people who’ve turned blue in the hills.
He’s booby-trapped the wells and poisoned the mills.
He’s procured enough materiel to stockpile some nukes.
He’s smarmy enough to ignore the world’s rebukes.
He’s got the Middle East by the nape of the neck.
His people cry: “Give me anarchy or give me death!”
And as more rebels and good Muslims die,
We still can’t believe this is all just one guy.
This rape and pillage and torture and everything gory
make us think of Europe in the 1140s.
If he can do all this in this day and age,
that’s UN-cool! So where is the outrage?
The French disconnection is downright uncivilized.
The Left’s lack of a compass is perfidy in disguise.
Hollywood’s voices are all out of tune
and campus idealism is a busted balloon.
You’d think our illustrious leaders could see 20/20
but “Blocky” and “Rodhamma” aren’t happy with plenty.
“We want to see more! Give us more reasons!”
All the middle can do is “accuse” the Left of treason.
You guys think you’re so smart and students of history.
What Saddam unleashed or contained can do is no mystery.
Think for a second about Osama without a state.
What he unleashed by manifesting his hate.
Now think about that huge vacuum on the Tigris
and think about how bad justice denied is.
Now cross the Zagros and look at Teheran.
Is this really where you wanted the battle to dig in?
Are you done thinking? Does your head start to pound?
Is the case now clear? How do the guns of war sound?
“War is bad! War is evil! I hate WAR!” Duh! I do, too.
But let’s go check evil lest evil checkmates you.
