John McCain scares me. More than clowns, more than spiders, even more than Dennis Rodman in drag. McCain and his alleged Reagan coalition have me ready to become an island castaway, with or without the professor and Maryanne.

As a politically conservative, near-libertarian living in the South, I have suffered deeply over the past seven presidential years. I knew things had hit rock bottom during the president's impeachment hearings, when I found myself longing for the Carter administration. Even gas lines and hostages are more attractive then Clinton's disgusting moral bankruptcy choking the dignity out of our land's highest office.

So imagine my great dismay when John McCain - in an astounding impersonation of Bill Clinton - took the low road to try and steal away the Republican presidential nomination.

I can hear the protests now - but Lesley, you say, he isn't trying to "steal" anything. He's out getting votes, and there's nothing underhanded about that.

Wrong. Dead wrong.

McCain has implemented an unprecedented strategy, encouraging Democrats to rally to the polls to support him. He has misled the press and public into thinking it is a proper campaign strategy by claiming to create a "Reagan coalition." McCain and his advisors correctly predicted that the press would eat this up, especially since Washington journalists have such a dislike for his more conservative rival, Gov. George W. Bush.

The press, however, glosses over the fact that McCain tells these crossover voters they are free to go back and vote for Al Gore in November. In other words, he's enticing typical Democrat voters to act as spoilers, choosing a Republican nominee they know stands no chance against the vice president.

No, this does not break any laws. But it does break a basic code of ethics. Democrats and Republicans should choose their own nominees and allow the two best candidates to duke it out in the general election.

McCain is poisoning his own party, while wrapping himself in the black-and-white POW flag. By invoking the name of Reagan, he hopes to appear to be a candidate for all people, when in fact he appeals only to war veterans and the mushy middle.

His behavior points out further weaknesses in his character. McCain already astounded voters with his ugly bitterness after a loss in South Carolina. Now we are seeing the me-first attitude that has resulted in his fellow Vietnam prisoners' endorsement of George W. Rep. Sam Johnson of Texas is just one of several public figures who, after being trapped in the Hanoi Hilton with McCain, wasn't impressed enough to recommend him for the White House.

McCain believes that his status as a former POW entitles him to a seat in the Oval Office. He has begun deflecting tough questions with statements about his war record. But this man who claims to have sacrificed so much for his country now appears ready to feed the United States to the dogs - namely Clinton and Gore.

My only solace is a firm knowledge that things will change on Super Tuesday. States with closed primaries - which now will be viewed as essential by folks in both parties - will overwhelmingly support George W., the true conservative who, by the way, wasn't involved in the Milken scandal and doesn't screw around on his wife.

For all you Republicans out there, this is a call-to-arms from McCain himself. Get the lead out. Go vote for the real Republican in your state's primary. Don't let Gore-loving Democrats ruin November for the rest of us. And don't send a two-faced, short-tempered, do-nothing senator to do a hero's job.